What does a birth family go through with a child in foster care?

I can only imagine

Let’s say I had my baby, I love him so much. I get caught up in something I didn’t plan. And all of a sudden my baby is gone. The state has taken my child and put him  in a foster care family that  I don’t know and neither does he. I can imagine this is the worst feeling in the world. I would not wish that upon anyone.

But the truth is DHS just doesn’t come along randomly and take children from their family and put them in foster care.  The birth family was doing something wrong, very wrong. They don’t take kids away because parents spank or punish or ground. They take kids away because they are pregnant and smoking meth or exposing drugs to children, or abusing them or neglecting them etc..

For my baby’s birth mom, her first 2 children were taken and adopted before Charlie was even born. She had been arrested and charged with intent to sell meth and her boyfriend had hid the drugs in the car registered to her. Maybe she lost her kids because she was in jail waiting for her court date. I don’t honestly know. But I do know she was involved with the wrong people doing the wrong things. And that also means subjecting your children to bad things. Perhaps her childhood was bad with parents in and out of jail and prison. One thing I do know, if you are going to have children you better protect them and keep them safe from bad things. Or don’t have children until you are ready, or you  are mature enough to consider adoption.

I know having your child taken from you is absolutely heartbreaking, but were they thinking of their child in the first place? Charlie’s mom is an addict and she was given every option for help possible. But that meant working a program, staying clean, not having any fun. She wanted a boyfriend, she wanted fun, she wanted an easy carefree life. That is not how you get your baby back. And ultimately she did not get him for even one day. And as much as she was heartbroken, I am glad. This was all on her and she could not even clear the first hurdle. I do feel sorry for her that she could not get herself together. But it is going to take a long time for her to learn. She has baby #4 with her now. I hope she keeps that baby safe. I hope.

I have not walked one step in her shoes. So I will not judge her. I only know that to be a parent it takes giving up everything for that child; every spare minute is given to them. I have only one child and I have no idea how people can raise more than 1 and afford to do it. There is no way I could be doing drugs or anything other than what is best for my son.  I know it is painful for them, but it is also painful for the children. And the children always come first.